The following is a list of ideas that were revelatory to me at the time. These are ideals that I strongly believe in and perhaps you may be able to get some value out of as well. They helped me be uplift others as well as myself. These are in no particular order as I feel that they are all important.
1. Hurt people hurt people
Whenever we’re hurt, we instinctively think about ourselves, which is natural. What if for a moment after you feel you’ve been wronged, you ask yourself: “who hurt him/her?” Asking such a question allows our compassion to shine through. The entire dynamic shifts. Whenever you see something wrong, you should absolutely care for the victim, but what if the wrong-doer is also a victim? This doesn’t excuse their actions, but this empathy can be a powerful tool in ending the cycle of pain.
2. Don’t judge people
As I was walking through my school’s campus, I noticed a toxic pattern in my thought. I was looking around and judging people based on their looks and demeanor without actually talking to them. I was a little disturbed by how I was making so many assumptions. With that, I made the choice to not judge people until I get to know them. I became a more loving, accepting person and I was able to see others’ differences and appreciate them rather than make baseless conclusions. Accepting others is the most liberating feeling, and you’ll be happier for it.
3. It’s okay to let yourself feel your emotions, just don’t let them control you
No one should ever bottle up their emotions. I can’t speak for women, but I know as a man there seems to be a detrimental train of thought that all men should be stoic and unfeeling. Regardless of gender, ignoring your feelings is painful and counter-productive. We have feelings for a reason, and no one can tell you how to feel. The problem comes when you let those feelings control you. Feelings are complementary to logic, they don’t have to be at odds, and they should both be taken into account when making decisions.
4. No matter how boring you think you are, you have so much to give to the world.
I don’t care who you are, there is never, ever going to be someone like you. If you are one to think that you have nothing unique to offer, think again. Your sheer existence would like to disagree. When I learned this, I focused less on the qualities I don’t have and focused more on the qualities I do have. When that happens you can nurture your growth and share your unique perspectives.
5. “To err is human; to forgive, divine”
Let’s face it, you mess up. The sooner you accept that other people mess up like you, the sooner you can forgive and move on. I’ve been hurt before. I’ve felt betrayed, ignored, and deceived. But once I allow myself to be upset and give my mind time to think clearly, I just remember that it was a mistake. As long as I communicate my pain and the person listens. We can move on. If the problem continues? Give the person as many chances as you can tolerate, if they don’t learn, then are they really worth your time? You can forgive them and file away any grudges you have. Forgiveness is letting yourself off the hook, so you can move on with your life.
6. The only way you can fail is by giving up.
Some people have this mindset naturally. If you’re like me, you have to condition yourself for this. Repeat after me: “Failure is not bad, when I fail I am learning, when I fail, I get closer to success.” At first, this may not do much for you, but when you really internalize it and believe it in your heart, nothing will keep you from getting what you truly want. If you accept failure and learn from it, you will succeed as long as you don’t give up. You’ll be unstoppable.
7. Despite all the pain that I’ve gone through, I’m happy I experienced it because it made me who I am.
This is one for the folks who have gone through some tough times. If you’re like me, you wouldn’t change a thing about your past. Even though I suffered so much, I have nurtured a love for myself and I am happy with myself. I learned so much, and without that hardship, I don’t think I would have the capacity to feel others’ pain as deeply as I do now.
